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Prequel [Allegory of The G​/​rave]

by MEDUSA

/
1.
took your mom to her appointments watched the doctors like a cop like a good son, but your mother said please don’t quit your job so you worked through all September then I don’t remember much just her grave, conflated holidays, and then it’s blank for months think my hair was pink on New Years didn’t want it, just felt restless bleached it in and out the bathroom so you’d look up from your desk and then we sat in our apartment didn’t like it, but pretend to cooked you dinner every night and said I hoped we’d see our friends soon I turn to look at the door (whenever the house settles) god, I wish that you'd come home (so we can be together) but you don't come home anymore not all the way, no back in August, heard you promise by September you’d be out it’s October now, these people’s names spend more time in your mouth than I do, wonder why you never look at me the same while my hair gets overgrown like all the grass around her grave saw my family for a wedding "if you’ll come, bring work, it’s fine" spent the two days seeing emails reflected in your eyes and I lie awake and miss you and I work until I can’t then I fall asleep, eventually you wake me up with coffee in your hand I turn to look at the door (whenever the house settles) as if when you do come home (we're gonna be together) but you don’t come home anymore not all the way, no and, I saw god in the waiting room yeah, I saw god, he was waiting too he hung my jaw like a crucifix and, oh god, I've been waiting ever since I watch lovers turn to numbers through the screen they use to praise me been two years without a sunburn "yeah, I’m so busy it’s crazy"
2.
the big show 02:32
when you'd wake me up with coffee was it 10 minutes before you were out there with your pants down sharing all of him with her? did you send her dirty photos in the mirror I get ready in? do my makeup in the morning matching frames and matching paintings did you call her from the airport on the way to my big show? did you tell her right beforehand you'd be gone until we're home? did you call her from the ER when I laid there with my IV? did you tell her I was sick or did you tell her you were busy? when you came to see my parents driving so long in the truck did you listen to her talk about how her husband's such a fuck? she said happy birthday love did you say you loved her back and that heart looked pretty red was the one you sent her black? made tomato sauce for dinner all I taste is fuckin can think I'll kill myself tomorrow let me know if you've got plans I made dinner reservations and the cake is kinda bland but I bet you're full from having should I eat out of your hand? [screaming] said her husband never liked you said that she wasn't allowed yeah, I heard that he's an asshole I guess that's goin around

about

The theme of this Prequel:

Usually, we release b-sides after an album itself has come out. But, because Allegory of The G/rave's release has been delayed this year due to my health issues, I thought it would be nice to release these 2 tracks that didn't make the final cut a little untraditionally early.

Everybody responds to life-changing events differently. Sometimes, we feel lonely and pull other people in. Sometimes, we feel lonely, and push other people away. There is even a secret, third thing. Here are 2 sides of the same traumatized coin: depression and indignant rage.

After trauma and transformation, how do we live in our new bodies and minds? How do we defend ourselves? Which threats are real, and which are just shadows on the wall of the cave?

--------------------

The theme of Allegory of The G/rave:

In the original Greek myth, Medusa was a Gorgon from birth. Later, a poet called Ovid rewrote the story; in his telling, Athena cursed Medusa to become a monster as punishment for being violated by Poseidon. Because of this version, survivors of assault see Medusa as a symbol of power. I started making music as Medusa after I was attacked, then called a liar, and ostracized. Realizing I’m queer added another layer of relatability; a lot of transphobic rhetoric centers around the idea that trans people become grotesque, or "ruined."

But to me, the most interesting thing about Medusa isn’t Poseidon attacking her, or her transformation. It’s what happens after that. We’re not just victims of transphobia, or of assault. It doesn’t subsume our identity until we head to our graves. So, with Allegory of the G/rave, I wanted to explore what happens to Medusa after she’s exiled. After trauma and transformation, how do we live in our new bodies and minds? How do we defend ourselves? Which threats are real, and which are just shadows on the wall of the cave? I thought a nice way to play on the theme of ostracization would be to keep the whole album really upbeat — alt-pop and dance tracks, with bite, and good for group catharsis. Hence, "rave.”

I want to explore what happens when we fight not only to stay alive, but to live again. How do we learn to live in our new bodies, with our new minds? How can we trust, and love, and be known? What does that look like? This is the purpose of the album, and of the short film its music videos will make up: I don't know.

Let's find out.

credits

released November 4, 2022

Thank you to my beautiful partner for helping me learn to use Mid Journey to create these pieces of album and track art, to take the burden off of me financially and artistically and help me release music faster during a year of precarious health and mercurial status. Thank you to my partner for helping me dissect my trauma responses and figure out which threats to my station, emotions, and life are real and which have been perceived for so long they become themselves a contorted truth, reified through triggers and involuntary somatic response. I do not know what I would do without you and I never have to find out.

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about

MEDUSA Buffalo, New York

Medusa is a "revenge pop" musician based in New York. They're pretty sure they subconsciously stole calling their music "___-pop" from their friend Zand, who coined "ugly-pop," but it's way too late in the game to undo it now.

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